one final note.

Sitting here with all of my thank you cards written out, City Project is coming to that final note.  It took me about a week and a half to write out all of these thank you cards (partially because of my laziness), but that's amazing.  I have so many people to thank for supporting me this summer.  If we just rewind to the beginning of this journey in February or March, I remember thinking that I didn't have anybody to contact, and here I am writing out so many thank you cards I want to complain about writing.  And yet God reminds me how grateful I should be and through it again, I realize once more of a theme that has been recurrent during my journey through City Project:

God loves me.

It's so simple, but so sweet and revolutionary every time I realize it.

God loves me.  He loves me even though I'm broken.  He loves me enough to tear down my idols because He wants me to just worship Him.  He loves me enough to strip down my pride so I can depend on Him.  He loves me enough to affirm me through others of my gifts.  He loves me so much that in every single way possible, I can recognize Him.  And this is love...because as John Piper said God isn't being selfish when He points you back to Him because God is the only one who can fill me and affirm and comfort me.  He is all that I need.

City Project 2012 has been amazing.  More than amazing.  I learned how to swing dance.  I ate my first made-from-scratch lasagna.  I shared the Gospel (by God's strength) to someone who had never heard it.  I was asked to be best friends with girls who didn't even know me.  I was held and prayed over by nine other girls as I confessed my sins.  I was told I was beautiful in a foreign country.  I saw a sunrise in Africa while listening to "Circle of Life."  And so much more...

And even when it ended, God still has been teaching me so much.  Even recently, I cried when falling asleep because I felt like I had failed.  I felt like I had failed because I thought I had to be this better Christian when I cam back, but I was struggling just as much.  I didn't spend hours and hours in devotions or my hours watcing shows didn't drastically decrease.  But, God whispered to me that maybe it wasn't me becoming this better Christian, but it was more about how I needed Him desperately.  I still need Him even though He's taught me so much.  I thought going through this missions made me a more independent Christian, but really, my eyes have been opened to my greater need of desperatley and willingly clinging onto our Father.  And in that moment, when I realized that...I felt so free.  The burdens of expectations and change I thought I had to see in my life were gone because...it's more freeing to realize that we need to rely on God than it is to try to live on our own.

And that I realize as I'm typing up now is another way for God to remind us that He loves us.  We need Him, and as our eyes are opened to see how much we need Him, as my friend reminded us on the last day of City Project, that's grace too.  God didn't have to open our eyes, but He did because He wanted us to know Him.  And by knowing Him, that's our everything. He is my everything.

And I don't get this truth every moment, and that's okay because God is pursuing me.  I freely admit I need God so much in my life.  I am truly lost without my Savior.

With Him, I am Found.  I am Free.  I am Loved.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, " Abba Father." Romans 8:15.

Goodbye City Project 2012.

All my fountains are in you

I remember there was a point when we were walking through a village that I realized I was staring at my shoes.  I was staring at the white tops of my gray converses, and watching the sand rise up with every step I took.

Why wasn't I looking up?  Because I didn't want to.

A part of me (and I guess the overwhelming part of me) didn't want to see the bare feet of the children, the ditches by the side of the street for their sewage, the red and green shops where the moms were carrying their babies on their backs. I didn't want to face real world truth.  I was scared of my perspective changing.  I was scared of change.  But, that was so silly.  God knew what He was doing when He brought me there.  I was here for a reason, and to learn.  So, pushing my head up, I saw... Smiles.  Giggles.  Held hands. Laughter.  Conversations.  Life.  Joy.

The families that we stayed with in Jikaze had run away from post-election violence in 2008.  They had nothing.  Some families had to leave jobs that had provided for their families.  The babies that we visited at the orphanage had been abandoned by their families here on Earth because of different circumstances.  The women we visited through the AIDS organization had failing health.

Wealth.  Family.  Health.  had been stripped away.  Things I use to define my happiness, and these people didn't have it.  And yet, they had a joy.  A joy that was untouched by their circumstances.  A joy that set them...free.

Living with Esther I saw and felt this joy.  Joy in giving, joy in working.   We had just gotten back from eating lunch on the bus.  And as we were coming in,we smell garlic and fried vegetables.  Esther tells us, "Sit. Sit."  She brings out in various colored bowl ugali. I remember my bowl being a light blue plastic bowl. On one side of the bowl is a slab of solidified rice that fills us at least half of the bowl and next to it her sauteed greens.  I remember at this point, I was concered and soley thinking of how I would be able to finish it that I wouldn't remember until later how much of her own family's food she had just offered to three strangers.  We were strangers and yet she still gave.   I asked her multiple times throughout those two weeks:  "Esther, what is your favorite thing to do here?"  She said, "Work.  I like to work."  And then she laughed.

Esther had run away from her previous village and had completely had to start over, but she was so grateful to be here.  She wasn't mad, she was just grateful to God.  Grateful.

That was Kenya for me.  I re-learned joy.  My eyes were opened to see that joy, true joy, is not based on circumstances.  It's really not.  It's found in Jesus.  They didn't say it neccessarily with words, but with their lives.

We visited a woman through the Care for Aids ministry.  She is HIV+ and when asked what her favorite verse or passage in the Bible, she recited Psalms 23.

The Lord is my shepard, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no eveil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Her manna, her life was founded on this Psalm.

And that's the freeing joy.

a longer commercial break.

City Project officially ended yesterday. which. is crazy.  And we came back from Kenya last Saturday, so exactly a week ago.

A week ago, I was in Kenya. crazy.

I wish I could post all that I learned, but honestly I'm still processing things.  (And being a bit lazy...Sorry!)  I promise I'll be back with posts about Kenya and the end.  Just a longer commercial break than I thought.

will be back.

a training field for me.

"Yeah, at night we hear gun noises."

Speaking to a group of kids at a Salvation Army camp: "Give me an example of sin."

"Selling drugs." shouts a five year old whose torquoise rimmed frames take up half her petite face.

These conversations made my "reading" world collide with reality.  I had only read about children who grew up in these broken movies, but to meet and interact and receive love from children whose lives are impacted by drugs, shootings, etc, was eye-opening. and. humbling.  I went into these projects thinking that I had so much to give, and I would only give, but instead, I received so much love.  As soon as we got to the first one, girls came and asked if I could be their best friend.

And with that, comes the realization for me that the quotes above do not at all represent everything.  It does not capture the innocent love that has been preserved in their hearts.  their eagerness for your love.  their desire to be held.  and their love and care for each other.  their intelligence.  their beauty.  I had to learn that they are more than just these tragic stories.  God loves them and His love shines through.

I was beyond humbled working with these children.  They were days when I didn't want to go, didn't want to teach.  I just wanted to sleep.  But everytime I went, the kids were never sick of me.  They were excited to see me.  To play with me.  They gave a better depiction of Jesus than me.  And how beautiful is their childlike faith and love? :)  And I had even gone in judging that these kids would not really understand the Gospel, but was I ever wrong.  They do believe and understand, and ask hard questions.  God speaks to His children.

"Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."-Matthew 19:14

Being humbled at internships, classes, and my developing relationships, it's so easy to fall back into just looking at the badness of me.  Praise God that that is not the end of the story.  God will not let me stay in an area of condemnation.  This past week I had been feeling so condemned, and even though God tried to speak to me, I did not believe in the promise He had for me.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"-Romans 8:1.

But, today worshiping at our house with City Project students, God spoke through our friend here.  He let me know that I am loved.  That He has overcome all my sin and He has called me to be free.  How great is His love that He pursues me.  We had to teach the story of the Shepard and the Lost Sheep.  How great is our God that He makes that story so alive in my life.  Though I wanted to believe in me, God points and pursues me so that I will fall in love with Him.  Ahh!  God is so incredibly good.  How great is it that I am able to say that none that I have done, but it is all God's glory?  That that desire is free my flesh and pride, but that I am able to truly rejoice that God can receive all the glory though me?  Praise God!  And even more so, that God has changed my heart so that is what I desire.  I definitely was not there, and how far God has brought me.  Praise our Lord!

The three weeks in Durham were the part that I did not expect much from.  I didn't understand why we had to be there for so long.  Praise God that He is soveriegn.  He knew that this would be where He stripped me, but built me back up rooted in Him.  He knew that this is where I would recieve affirmation of His love and joy for me.  He fulfilled desires in my heart that I had even given up on such as the recieiving love and being included in families.  I least expected to find it at Summit Churc, and yet I have been invited into families through City Project.  Praise God that He remembers our desires even though we have forgotten and given up.

How Great is Our God.  God is truly great.  God is truly amazing.

God is continuously showing me the depth and power of these truths which is founded in the Gospel.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."-Romans 8:1

He died for me even though I didn't even know I needed to be saved.  And He rose again defeating all condemnation, sin, guilt, and calls me and desires for me to joyfully rest in Him.  And He pursues me relentlessly.

"Oh, how He loves, yeah, He loves us Oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us Oh, how He loves"-How He Loves

Yes.  Let us repeat and soak in that truth.  God, may I soak in that truth and may my life be a billboard of that truth for your other children especially as our team travels to Kenya tomorrow.  God, may your Gospel be the billboard for all of us as we all go to our international locations: Taiwain, Serbia and Kenya.  God, let us go and raise your banner in those areas.  Thank you for allowing us to be the ambassadors to your beloved children.

And thank you that I am your beloved loved forgiven desired daughter. princess. child.

a very belated blog post.

a picture of the girls that I live with except one at Brooklyn, NY:

I wish I could blame my lack of internet for the lateness and absence of blog posts, but I know that it's my procrastination and laziness. :/

It's crazy to think that in skipping two blog posts (since I have tried to make my blog posts at City Project weekly), I am already halfway done with this Project.

God has been incredibly good.  More than I imagined.  More than I can say.  And probably more than I even know right now.  A recurring theme for me throughout City Project seems to be a saying of "It's really really hard, but it's really good."  God has constantly been showing me where I lack.  He has shown me my weaknesses.  He is showing me my shortcomings. Sometimes, He uses the experience itself to show me my weaknesses or He uses other people to show me mine.  And frankly, this process hurts. a. lot.  It hurts to the point where I want to not recieve these teachings from God, and want to just lower other people (my way is by gossipping). Even that, is my pride.  But, praise God because there is grace.  Grace is not a mere idea, but it is a huge band-aid for this hurt.  At the same time it's more than a band-aid because it's not just a cover-up for the hurt, but it reminds me that grace has already covered it!  When I stand before God, I am completley righteous because of Jesus.

In New York City, God showed me my pride and my lack of compassion for His people.  We were to evangelize to others, particuarly Muslims for a week.  For me, because God has given me an outgoing personality, it's easy to go talk to people without much effort.  Others, however, struggled to share because they may have been shy or it's hard to go start conversations with strangers.  They were so frustrated at themselves because their hearts yearned to share.  Their hearts were broken to share.  And here I was just doing it to do it.  To place another check on my check-list of how I am a great Christian.  With this and throughout the week, God showed me my pride and the brokeness of me.  But, through it, He showed me His love.  The greatness of His love.  He knows me including my brokenness and He still chose me.

Then the centrality of the story becomes not about my brokenness, but the largeness of God's love for me.  Christ loves me so much that He saw all of this and still chose me.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life."-Romans 5:8-10

Now, this becomes very real.  All that I am able to do now for Christ does not come from me, but comes from Christ because me, by myself, am a very broken person.  And so now God is bringing me to a place where I'll be able to say...

"Therefore, I will boast all the more more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me....For when I am weak, then I am strong."-2nd Corinthians 12:9-10

the first few steps...

were scary.
were exciting.
are powerful.
are humbling.
are God-led.
are reflections of His love.
will be remembered as indicators what was to come.

Psalms 139: 1-4
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.  Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."

Matthew 18:20: "For when two or three gathered in my name, for am I there with them"

It is only day four in City Project, yet God has met with me in such intimate and great ways already.  Words are unable to express the intimacy and powerful ways God has met with me.  He has humbled me beyond what I imagined, He has shown me that He knows my innermost thoughts, He has loved me more than I could ever imagine.  I wasn't able to pray to ask for brokenness except for about twice, but my Spirit yearned to just break me so I could experience more of God's love.  I couldn't pray fervently even when I asked, so I asked others to pray.

And God answered.

On the second night, as God led me to share a sin with the girls in my house (who I only knew for two days...that's how you know that it's the Spirit!), they all laid their hands with me and joined me in battle against my sin.  They declared God's righteousness and power over my life.  And it has worked and is working.  Wow.  God is good.  And it leaves our girls so much more expectant of what is to come.  Not only that, He had heard my desire.  I was able to experience so much more of His love when He broke me in front of these girls.

I am broken.  But I am washed. I am sanctified.  I am justified.  Because Christ died for me.  (1st Corinthians 6:11)

God has just been so good to me during this trip.  Meeting the other participants and being able to live with some of them keeps humbling me.  I came in thinking that I was  top tier 'prayerer', but receiving prayer from girls who I thought I was better in prayer with humbled me greatly.  This only makes me lean on God's grace.

Thank you God!  He is so good and so willing to come because He is so willing to love us.  He wants us to experience His blessings and providence.

We have limited internet access at our house (which is also another blessing because it allows us to focus on God), so I don't know if I'll be able to update very frequently,.  Please continue to keep praying for me and our team!  We're heading to New York tomorrow to evangelize to Muslim community there.  Pray for great movements of God! :)

a finish line.

wow.  I sit at my laptop utterly amazed.  With the promised support, I have reached the goal of $4500.  Even with the financial support I have right now, I have $4470, and with the promised, I'll have $4670.

He knew that I had to also pay for shots, so He is providing.

At the start, I was so worried, but now I stand at the finish line.

Amazed by His love.
Amazed.
Humbled.
Our God is most definitely able.
He is able.
Able.

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of is glory." -Ephesians 13-14

This is my identity.

This is my truth.

$4100

God works with impeccable timing.

Today, I woke up feeling worried, nervous, anxious because I thought I was still about $1000 away from my goal.  I still had to somehow find money to pay for the shots, and I had less than a week away.  I prayed, and God just kept telling me: I will take care of you.  I will take care of you.  I stopped listening to this for about a few days, and then my heart finally gave in yesterday.  As God constantly whispered the truth, my soul yearned to believe.  Though it didn't make sense, it gave me finally the courage and strength to send out a few more emails and to believe for a bit more time that I serve a more than able God.  He is able.  He is my Father.  And He promises me that He will take care of me.


And He did.

I emailed my college support leader this morning and spilled everything out.  My anxiety, where I am with funding, how I've failed in being as diligent as I want to be, my worries, etc.  Without hearing back, I thought that I must be far away.  I texted out to ask if she received my email.  She texted back that she had, and for me not to worry, according to the spreadsheet, I had raised $4100.

WHAT?!

It didn't make sense.  Even as of now, I have absouloutly no idea how there is that much money.  It goes beyond the calculations I have made with the people that told me they wish to support me.  It's beyond what I imagined.  I really don't know how I'm only $400 away.  And I am humbled because God provides and guides though I fail to be faithful.  The bible verse comes to mind

If we are faithless, He is faithful for He cannot deny Himself. -2nd Timothy 2:13

The Word is alive and true.  Praise God.  He is so good.  And He will provide.  I will press on because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.

SOS

Please pray for me. I still have to raise about a $1000 before my trip starts next Tuesday.  I know that God is able so please pray that I'll be able to raise all the needed money. :)

footprints in the sand

There is one week left.  To be more specific: five days 23 hours and 9 minutes left.
I'm scared...but God whispers to me: I'm here, just trust in me.

Then I heard you say
I promise you, I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
-Footprints in the Sand: Leona Lewis

not be content.

That was God's command to me last night.

It had been a while since I allowed myself to fully listen to what God wanted to tell me.  I didn't want to be convicted.  I didn't want to be told that I was doing wrong.

Funny thing.  God didn't.  All He kept repeating to me over and over again:
You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.


Then, He reminded me:
Danbi, don't be content.  I have so much more to give you.  So much more.  Ask for more.  Seek for more.  

Matthew 7:7: Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened for you

It's really been easy to be content now that I've raised $3650.  It wasn't easy raising that money, but seeing that sum now I had/have forgotten how each donation was God's touch on my life.  It was His way of loving me in another amazing way.

$100:  After talking to a sister in Christ, I was facebooking when God moved in me to ask her to give.  I had already asked her to pray for me and had given a support letter.  But because she never said anything about supporting me financially after I gave the letter, I thought that was that.  But God said to me: Danbi, you should ask.  So I did.  She responded soon after that she would love to.  With the financial support, she gave me a verse: (God also reminded me of this verse earlier for this season! -look below-)

2 Timothy 2:13  If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. 

$2000: My parents.  As I prayed about this in a time where I was discontent with this because I also wanted a cool story of how a stranger I met gave me a lot of money.  First, God humbled me and told me that I need to be more grateful. Very true. Then, He showed my dad giving me to God.  That was what my dad was doing as he supported the missions trip.  He was giving me back to my ultimate Father.

$200: He wanted to give to me because he had recently been blessed by God and had been praying on how to give back.  At that exact timing, he received my letter.  He shared his life verse with me as he encouraged me and gave financial support.

Jeremiah 20:9: But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name, his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot.

$100:  I had sent this letter to my friend who is still in high school.  She and her group of friends had encouraged me through their tumblr and facebook posts because of their desire for God.  I visited her family and was really surprised when she and their family wanted to support me financially.  I had sent the letter to their daughter in high school, not even to the parents.  And I wasn't expecting financial support, and had actually hesitated on sending that letter because I told God that I needed to only send to those that could support me financially.  God reminded me that prayer is more important my strategy of how to raise support because its all about God, and not about me.

(Right now, I have shared the stories that total up to $3350.  The other stories will come in a later post!)

God is good.  And yes, I still have to raise about a $1000 more dollars to make the final goal.  But, as God is calling me, I will seek more of Him.  He can and will give me the needed money and so much more so that His name will truly be lifted on high!

God, let me be bold in my prayer and walk just as David was bold when He stood before Goliath)

1 Samuel 17:45-47: "David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, who you have defied.  This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head.  Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.  All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands.

a healing song

Blessings: Laura Story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

learning that it's okay.

Even though I make mistakes and even though I'm lazy, thank goodness that God remains God.  Thank you God that Your love for me is not dependent on my works or my actions.  Thank you that I am considered righteous not because of anything I did, but only on Jesus.

Praise God that He is so much bigger than me.

Ïf we are faithless, He remians faithful-for He cannot disown Himself. -2nd Timothy 2:13

evidence of God's greatness.

I'm not going to lie, this past week was a battle.  But, God is ever so victorious and His timing is impeccable.

I had ideas to quit support-raising and just drop out of the program.  I was so discouraged and caught up in my works: I felt guilty that I had not done my part.  Why would God bless me if I hadn't done anything?

Thursday night.  God led me to pray.  He beckoned me in to pray.  It was amazing.  He taught me that I am able to ask God for my desires only because of Jesus.  If I stand on my own righteousness, I fall short.  If I stand on my own works, I fall short.  I am unable.  But God looks at me and sees Jesus.  I can boldly stand in front of God because of Jesus Christ.

Praise God that He is bigger than my laziness, fear and everything.  Praise God.  He led me to pray.  He taught me how to pray boldly.  I cried out to God on Thursday that I am unworthy, but I stand before God washed in Jesus' blood.  I can ask of God my desires because I am clean and I am His daughter.  And I declared: God, you need to move because I cannot do it.  You need to move and give me $1500 because Your glory needs to be seen.  People need to see, I need to see, that God you are so much bigger than my mistakes.  You still love us despite our mistakes.  You still love us even if I don't follow my promises and day to day plans.  You have already redeemed us.  Just as Moses demanded to see the glory of God, I was taught that we can do that too.  God wants us to seek Him for everything.

Praise God.

On Friday night:

$500: I met with this friend on Thursday out of the blue.  She wanted to meet with me.  And I was struggling that day, and without meaning to, I spilled out everything.  How I felt, what I was going through, that I was so tired of having to have faith.  At the end, my Spirit despite it all still wanted to Praise God.  I said to her, "I don't want pity, God is still good."  That was not me.  That was Holy Spirit.  She tells me to give her a support letter, but I didn't think about it.  I didn't think that she would or could.  She would tell me later that during our conversation, she was convicted by God to support me.  That night, she contacted her mom and shared her conviction.  They hung up and prayed.  After prayer, they called each other again, seeing if her mom agreed, and then to how much.  She told me that when they shared the amount that God convicted them with, it was the same: $500.  Friday night, I receive a letter with a verse.

They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seeks Him. -Lamentations 3:23-25

Inside was $500.


$200: I met with my friend Saturday morning.  He tells me that Friday night, when he was talking to God, he was convicted by God to give.  "I haven't been giving offering at my church.  When I was praying about it, God told me to give the money to you."

It's humbling because its not me.  It's not through pity, it's God touches. Crazy.  Now, I'm so excited. So so excited.

Thursday night: I only had my $200 initial deposit (which is also God's crazy timing story)

Saturday: $900.

God is big. So mighty. So strong.

Majesty, Majesty. Your Grace has found me just as I am, Empty-handed, but alive in your hands.
-Majesty: Delirious?

prayer works.

thank you for praying for me.  in times of struggle, i feel people's prayer for me just working and battling for me.

praise God that He gave us a body of Christ. and praise Him for His mercy :)

God's reminder to me today...

David said to Saul, "Let no on lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."  Saul replied, " You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth."  But David said to Saul, "Your servant as been keeping his father's sheep.  When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth.  When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it.  Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defined the armies of the living God.  The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.  This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head.  Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.  All those that are gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's and he will give all of you into our hands." 

-1 Samuel 17: 32-37, 45-47 

I pray that I be that bold so that I declare to my doubts:

This day the Lord will destroy you.  I will receive the needed money and be a part of this summer.  I will proclaim the glory of God through His deliverance through me so that the whole world  will know that there is a God here. All those that are in my life will know that it is not by my intelligence nor my works that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's and he will give all of you into my hands.

sometimes it's hard

Today is one of those days.  And I just lean on God's shoulders.

my verse of the season: Romans 8:15

 Starting this season, I looked at my situation:
-My parents live in Korea.
-I moved around a lot in high school, so I do not have a home church
-I enrolled late into this program.
-And many more.
To me, I could not imagine how God would move.  I was so stuck in my situation.  I could and did not look beyond my situation.  I had a hard time praying to God about City Project.  God revealed to me it was because I did not ultimately believe that God would give me $4500.  Whenever I heard testimonies of others, I only thought of them as other people's stories.  Not mine.  But our God is good. He told me otherwise.

This past weekend, God revealed to me how I am His daughter.  I am co-heirs with Christ because I am declared free and clean before God.  And with this identity, I can and should and will be bold.  Bold in who God is.  Bold in how much God loves me.  Bold in that when I ask, God hears.  That's why the verse God gave me for the season is so freeing.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, Abba Father.-Romans 8:15

 Yes, God did not give me a spirit so I once again answer to fear of not being loved or not being worthy, but a spirit of sonship.


I am God's daughter.  I am His princess.  He is my Father.

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.  now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.-Romans 8:17

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For every who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened-Matthew 7:7

Please help me believe and live out these truths wholeheartedly Father God.