a training field for me.

"Yeah, at night we hear gun noises."

Speaking to a group of kids at a Salvation Army camp: "Give me an example of sin."

"Selling drugs." shouts a five year old whose torquoise rimmed frames take up half her petite face.

These conversations made my "reading" world collide with reality.  I had only read about children who grew up in these broken movies, but to meet and interact and receive love from children whose lives are impacted by drugs, shootings, etc, was eye-opening. and. humbling.  I went into these projects thinking that I had so much to give, and I would only give, but instead, I received so much love.  As soon as we got to the first one, girls came and asked if I could be their best friend.

And with that, comes the realization for me that the quotes above do not at all represent everything.  It does not capture the innocent love that has been preserved in their hearts.  their eagerness for your love.  their desire to be held.  and their love and care for each other.  their intelligence.  their beauty.  I had to learn that they are more than just these tragic stories.  God loves them and His love shines through.

I was beyond humbled working with these children.  They were days when I didn't want to go, didn't want to teach.  I just wanted to sleep.  But everytime I went, the kids were never sick of me.  They were excited to see me.  To play with me.  They gave a better depiction of Jesus than me.  And how beautiful is their childlike faith and love? :)  And I had even gone in judging that these kids would not really understand the Gospel, but was I ever wrong.  They do believe and understand, and ask hard questions.  God speaks to His children.

"Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."-Matthew 19:14

Being humbled at internships, classes, and my developing relationships, it's so easy to fall back into just looking at the badness of me.  Praise God that that is not the end of the story.  God will not let me stay in an area of condemnation.  This past week I had been feeling so condemned, and even though God tried to speak to me, I did not believe in the promise He had for me.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"-Romans 8:1.

But, today worshiping at our house with City Project students, God spoke through our friend here.  He let me know that I am loved.  That He has overcome all my sin and He has called me to be free.  How great is His love that He pursues me.  We had to teach the story of the Shepard and the Lost Sheep.  How great is our God that He makes that story so alive in my life.  Though I wanted to believe in me, God points and pursues me so that I will fall in love with Him.  Ahh!  God is so incredibly good.  How great is it that I am able to say that none that I have done, but it is all God's glory?  That that desire is free my flesh and pride, but that I am able to truly rejoice that God can receive all the glory though me?  Praise God!  And even more so, that God has changed my heart so that is what I desire.  I definitely was not there, and how far God has brought me.  Praise our Lord!

The three weeks in Durham were the part that I did not expect much from.  I didn't understand why we had to be there for so long.  Praise God that He is soveriegn.  He knew that this would be where He stripped me, but built me back up rooted in Him.  He knew that this is where I would recieve affirmation of His love and joy for me.  He fulfilled desires in my heart that I had even given up on such as the recieiving love and being included in families.  I least expected to find it at Summit Churc, and yet I have been invited into families through City Project.  Praise God that He remembers our desires even though we have forgotten and given up.

How Great is Our God.  God is truly great.  God is truly amazing.

God is continuously showing me the depth and power of these truths which is founded in the Gospel.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."-Romans 8:1

He died for me even though I didn't even know I needed to be saved.  And He rose again defeating all condemnation, sin, guilt, and calls me and desires for me to joyfully rest in Him.  And He pursues me relentlessly.

"Oh, how He loves, yeah, He loves us Oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us Oh, how He loves"-How He Loves

Yes.  Let us repeat and soak in that truth.  God, may I soak in that truth and may my life be a billboard of that truth for your other children especially as our team travels to Kenya tomorrow.  God, may your Gospel be the billboard for all of us as we all go to our international locations: Taiwain, Serbia and Kenya.  God, let us go and raise your banner in those areas.  Thank you for allowing us to be the ambassadors to your beloved children.

And thank you that I am your beloved loved forgiven desired daughter. princess. child.